Conversation dynamics to think about.

Conversation dynamics to think about.
Humans are social animals: We crave a sense of community, a sense of belonging, a social network.

This starts from birth as we latch onto our mothers for nursing.

We depend on our parents for all of our basic needs.

When we start to talk, we can extend our range of communication beyond crying for attention.

When we start to walk, we can use our newfound motion to get even more of the things we want.

Each stage of development increases our ability to communicate ideas and surpass challenges.

Somewhere in the growth pattern, we find ourselves at odds with our parental relationships. The independence can create a divide. The communication starts to falter. The effort to maintain the relationship dynamic changes.

Our internalized expectation of the relationship is now overtaking the externalized effort. You expect a level of validation that will not come. You expect a level of thanks that will not come. Expectation fractures reality.

You see a problem where there might just be a miscommunication, or lack of communication. Why?

A change from dependence to independence is a frameshift of the relationship.

Consistent communication needs to accompany this.

A change in relationship style requires a change in communication style.

A parent can talk to a toddler with yes, no, and simple directives like "Good job." or "Don't do that."

A parent cannot talk to an adult child like that. The 'adulthood' level of independence requires an 'adulthood' level of communication.

One that conveys the acknowledgement of life experience up to this point.

This... is a TWO-WAY street.

The adult child must also consider the life changes that the parent has gone through while raising children.

Changes are inevitable. Respond well.

You can complain and point fingers when you see a change.

You can take change in stride and correct for your life.

Choose wisely...

... because these patterns apply to all relationships: People change.

A relationship fails when 1 of 2 things happen:

  • One person stops trying: If you stop playing the game, don't expect to win.
  • It is easier to complain than to solve: If it becomes everyone else's business, you create collateral damage.
You can complain about how they've changed. You can even complain about how they have not. Make them a punching bag for everything. OR You can consider the change and learn how to accommodate this. You can notice a lack of change and focus on improvement.

One decision leaves you toiling away in stagnation. If someone cut you, don't bleed over others, get a bandage.

The other decision creates a strong and fulfilling relationship.

A strong relationship is one thing in life that will always be worth fighting for.

Choose wisely.